He is perfect, he is married… To date or not to date?

So, you are thinking about dating a married man? Of course, you know it seems like a bad idea, yet you may have some good reason for going for it. You have been dating for ages, but you have never met anyone like him. He is not happy with his wife and he promised they will get divorced, soon. You are actually doing his wife a favor, as you are the final push for both of them to end their imperfect relationship and start something fresh.

Love can be blind, so before you will rebel against common social condemnation of dating married men, consider couple of other issues that might have skipped your attention:

Once you decide to date a married man other people will see you in a different light. Name calling, disapproving looks, preaching… You may be faced will all of the unpleasantness that comes from breaking social moral standards.

Not only others will think differently of you, but as well you will see yourself differently, as by dating a married man you are pushing your own moral limits. Remember that you know only part of the story- his part. It is possible his wife is still deeply in love with him and you, by interfering in their relationship, will make it impossible to resolve any issues they may have. Also, are there any children involved? Did you consider the effect it may have on them? How far are you willing to go in changing yourself to be with this man?

You may be able to build a relationship with the man you are in love with, but how will the relationship with his children look like if they think you are the reason for their parents’ divorce? Will his parents and friends treat you with respect or will they always think of you as his mistress and a home-wrecker?

This can go any way. In the situation of a married couple and an affair there will always be hurt feelings involved to any or all of the parties involved. He is still married and for the sake of “old times” or responsibilities he may still be holding towards his family, he may choose them over you. Don’t get surprised, as a choice between an exciting affair and a years-long partnership is not an easy one.

What would you do if you were forced to choose between quitting your job and cancelling your holidays? Time with you is pleasant but it is his marriage that he had put a lot of emotions, time and commitment into… Remember, it is always more difficult to give up something we had worked hard for rather than an easy treat.

Time with him may seem like a fairy tale, but you have never tasted how a real life with him would be like. You go for a weekend retreats and sneak around in fancy restaurants and hotels. However, this type of behavior is not sustainable and because of the nature of your relationship it is unlikely as you will progress through all stages of dating that naturally mature into a stable partnership. Even if he chooses you- will you endure the dramatic jump from a thrilling love affair into everyday togetherness?

What does jumping into an affair say about him? Decent people do get divorced. Yet, divorce is a painful process that takes time. If he had committed to spend rest of his days with somebody, don’t you think he should at least give a try to repair his marriage?

Even if it doesn’t work, the idea of your life-long partner sleeping with someone else while your lives are still very much connected is a very painful one. If he doesn’t care about hurting and disrespecting somebody that he has shared so much with, it shows his insensitivity and lack of character. Will your Prince Charming treat you in a same way once the road gets tougher?

The decision of your beloved to cheat on his wife shows his weak sense of morality, poor impulse control and selfishness. Not a good sign for somebody you may consider sharing your future with…

In case your man is not revealing your affair to his wife, it means that he has no problem lying and probably is good at it. He may be lying to you, too. Are you his only mistress? No way of knowing… Instead, try to become a man magnet and attract available guys who're just for you

With all this in mind, can you really build a stable and happy relationship? How much will you trust him in years from now, when he smiles at pretty girls, comes back late at night and gets defensive when asked how his guys’ night out was? Will he lies again? Of course, all these behaviors can be innocent; however, with his past and revealed character, you will have reasons to worry… Is it worth becoming insecure and paranoid woman that once was a mistress and now feels Karma is coming around to pay her respects? Whatever you decide, be sure you are fine with the direction you are moving, because the man you are doing it for may not be worth the changed self-perception.

Think twice before interfering in someone else’s marriage; a romantic relationship is a dance made just for two. 

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