What are the Signs of Gaslighting in Friendships?

Gaslighters are master manipulators. They have an alluring, confident personality, but are there to gain control. This is because manipulating or controlling others gives them power. There are higher odds that people whom you place trust in and call your friends may be gaslighters. 

Have you felt that your friend is the one who always sets the rules? Do you feel that your friend has been trying to distance you from your partner or your other friends? All these are signs of gaslighting in friendships. 

It may be difficult for you to understand if your friend is gaslighting you. Therefore, we have discussed the signs of gaslighting in friendships in detail. These will help you in identifying your gaslighting friends. 

Signs of Gaslighting in Friendships

The following are the signs of gaslighting in friendships. 

1. They Aren’t Attached To You

This is the first sign of a gaslighting friendship. You share a one-sided relationship with your friend. Such friends want your time for their things, but don’t have time for your concerns. 

So, it’s like you going out of your way to help your friend when in need. But when it comes to him/her, they are the first ones to leave. They won’t even bother to call you when you are in trouble. 

Also, you are always blamed for not caring for them enough. You must remember one thing here. Your gaslighter friend has narcissistic requirements which you won’t be able to meet, no matter how much you try. And they aren’t attached to you because they are scared of robust attachments. 

2. They Are Not Authentic

Always remember, gaslighters can never be genuine and authentic. They simply pretend to be one as this is what gives them a sense of control. 

They will judge you for everything and you will never be able to be yourself in front of them. During the initial phase of friendship, they’ll try to be charming. But slowly, they will show you your true side. 

Gaslighters do not know who they are. They have no clue about their needs and boundaries. That is why they can’t be authentic. 

3. Master Manipulators 

Gaslighter friends are master controllers. They control you in a way that you start questing your sense of reality and count on them to know the truth. 

You’ll start feeling that you can’t live without your gaslighter friend. This is because you become so dependent on him/her for all of your life’s issues. 

Remember, they’ll never be there for you when you need them the most. They are simply there in your life to gain control so that they can feed their craving for power. 

4. Aren’t Seeking True Friendship

As stated earlier, they are not seeking true friendship. They just need someone who can behave or act the way they want. They don’t believe in values like respect, love, care, and affection. 

This is because they can never feel such things for others.  

A Galighter Friend With BPD: BPD Gaslighting Examples

BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder is a mental disorder in which one endures self-image issues. In addition to this, one also suffers instability in emotions, relationships, and changing priorities. 

People with BPD are extremely sensitive as pettiest of things stimulate them. Further, they experience unstable emotion and find it very challenging to calm themselves once triggered. 

Now, it is common for people with BPD to use gaslighting tactics. Some of the BPD gaslighting examples are as follows. 

1. Question Their Target’s Self-Esteem

You are such a loser Daniel. Why do you call me your best friend when you can’t even talk to me for half-an-hour. So what if those were your working hours. I needed you the most at that time. 

Read More: Gaslighting at work

2. Take Target’s Knowledge As Nothing

I don’t think Sara, there's anything worth pondering over to your claims . You always say things without having any solid reason or proof. 

3. Typically Question The Target’s Sense of Reality 

You don’t remember I had a word with you last month regarding Samantha coming to the U.S. this week. I did tell you. You’re forgetting things these days.