How To Be Radically Confident in Yourself and Dating

How can you move forward in love when you don't feel like you can trust yourself? This question was asked by a client of mine recently where she says, you know, I don't believe in myself, I don't trust myself. I got into a relationship, was married, and I felt like I ripped my heart out in that relationship because it betrayed me.

Now, I am terrified to take another step in love, to go back into the game of love, and so how can I trust myself? I know this question well because this was my question exactly. I was in the same place. Felt like I had ripped my heart out. I felt like I was with somebody I thought I was going to marry, and it didn't work out.

It was so confusing because I was so convinced that she was the one. It didn't work out, made me question myself, and I didn't want to experience that kind of pain again. Here's the conversation that I had with this client. I said, "There's a concept that relates thrust and risk. As humans, we want to say that we trust things but what we're doing is we're taking on particular degrees of risk.

Let me ask you a question. When was the last time you drove?" She said, "Well, I drove today. "I said, "How fast did you go today in this car?" She said, "Well, I got up to about 65 miles an hour. "I said, "Have you ever driven on those backcountry highways, where there are just two lanes? One going in one direction and the other lane coming in the other direction? Have you ever been on the road like that?"

Now, we know that people die every hour in car accidents, probably every minute, in a car accident, if you include the whole world. What gives you the confidence to trust yourself to drive on a highway like that, knowing another car is coming in the opposite direction? What gives you the confidence to be able to do that?" She considered for a moment, and then she said, "Well, what gives me the confidence is that if I assess oncoming danger, I feel like I could avoid it."

Now, let's apply this to your relationship because I bet that when you think back to this relationship, there were red flags that you ignored and decided to move forward in this relationship anyway. Did you have any red flags that you saw looking back on that relationship and just ignored them?" Because I wanted that millionaire dating relationship." Often, we will miss the compatibility part because we have so much chemistry for someone.

The chemistry will be so strong, and we'll think, 'Oh, the compatibility is going to follow.' Well, that isn't always the case, and we need both compatibility and chemistry." Step number one is to know that now, moving forward, you will be able to see those red flags, and you can no longer miss those red flags because you're aware of them now. 

A mind expanded to a new level of awareness never returns to its original size. Moving forward, you are a completely different woman, more equipped, more aware, and more able to see oncoming danger than you were when you were in that past relationship. The first key is to see the oncoming risk and avoid it. But what else gives you the confidence to drive on that highway?"

When you're getting into a new relationship, you're not just going to put the pedal to the metal and invest 100% with somebody who hasn't earned it. You're going to let them prove their skills to you over time. As you build a relationship with them and as you build experience with them and as you see them, how they're able to have conversations, how they're able to make and keep agreements, they're demonstrating their skillset to be in a rich men dating relationship with you.