What to Do When You Befriend Someone Afraid of Spiders
It's quite common to meet people with unique fears and phobias. One of the most widespread, yet often misunderstood, is arachnophobia — the fear of spiders. If you’ve recently befriended someone who has a serious fear of spiders, you may be wondering how best to support them. Whether you're going on hikes, spending time outdoors, or just hanging out at home, understanding how to be a supportive friend in these situations is key. Here’s how to navigate this delicate situation with care and humour.
1. Acknowledge the Fear is Real (Even if You Don’t Share It)
For those who aren’t afraid of spiders, it’s easy to brush the fear off as irrational. However, for someone with arachnophobia, the fear is very real, even if the spider in question is harmless. Instead of downplaying their feelings, acknowledge them. A simple, “I understand this is something that really scares you,” goes a long way in showing empathy.
2. Be the Designated Spider Handler
One of the easiest and most immediate ways to help is by becoming the designated “spider handler.” If you and your friend are hanging out and a spider suddenly appears, don’t panic or scream. Calmly take charge of the situation. You don’t have to love spiders, but offering to gently move the critter outside will make your friend feel a lot more comfortable.
Bonus points if you name the spider something goofy like "Mr Webby" before escorting it outside — humour can help lighten the mood!
3. Learn to Spot Their Triggers
People with arachnophobia often have specific triggers that set off their fear. It could be seeing a spiderweb in the corner, hearing someone talk about spiders, or spotting a small, eight-legged creature from across the room. If you know your friend’s triggers, you can help avoid them or prepare a strategy to handle the situation if a spider suddenly makes an appearance.
4. Create a Safe Space
When spending time at home, be mindful of creating a "safe zone" for your friend. If you know a specific area has a history of spider sightings (a certain room, corner, or outdoor space), consider doing a quick check before they arrive. Letting your friend know that the area is spider-free will help them relax. In their eyes, you’ll be a hero!
5. Consider Using Pest Control Services
If your friend is particularly sensitive to spiders, suggesting a pest control service could be helpful. Professional services can reduce the number of spiders in the home, especially in places like basements, garages, or attics where spiders tend to congregate. This might be an excellent solution if your friend’s fear extends to avoiding certain parts of their home.
Just be sure to frame it as a positive solution rather than feeding into the fear: "Wouldn’t it be great to not worry about any surprise guests during movie night?"
6. Keep the Humor Light but Respectful
Making light jokes about their fear can be tricky — sometimes humour can break the ice, but other times it can be hurtful. Gauge your friend’s reaction carefully. If they’re the type who can laugh at themselves, you might use humour as a way to ease tension. Just keep it kind and respectful, and never belittle their fear.
For instance, if you see a toy spider in a store, you might laugh and say, “This one’s so cute, it could be your new pet!” But know when to stop. If they’re not laughing, it’s time to switch gears.
7. Share Information About Spiders (But Only If They’re Interested)
Sometimes, learning more about the things we’re afraid of can lessen the fear. If your friend is open to it, share some interesting facts about spiders. For example, many spiders are harmless and help keep homes free of other pests. Highlighting how useful spiders can be might help ease their fear.
But be cautious! Not everyone wants to know more, and in some cases, talking too much about spiders might increase anxiety. Let your friend guide the conversation and see if they’re interested in learning more.
8. Respect Their Boundaries
As with any phobia, it’s essential to respect your friend's boundaries. If they say they can’t enter a room because they saw a spider, don’t push them. While it might seem like a small, manageable fear to you, it’s a significant source of stress for them. Respecting their boundaries means understanding when to step in and when to give them space.
9. Celebrate the Little Wins
If your friend makes any progress in overcoming their fear, celebrate it! Maybe they were able to stay calm when they saw a spider on the wall, or they watched a nature documentary about spiders without panicking. Whatever the milestone, give them the recognition they deserve. Overcoming fears is hard work, and each step is a victory.
10. Encourage Professional Help If Needed
For some people, arachnophobia can be debilitating. If your friend's fear of spiders starts impacting their daily life, it may be time to suggest seeking help from a therapist or counsellor. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a common approach that helps individuals reframe their thoughts and responses to triggers. Offering this suggestion in a gentle, supportive way can show that you care about their well-being.
Conclusion: Friendship Means Being There, Fear of Spiders and All
When you befriend someone with arachnophobia, your job isn’t to eliminate their fear but to offer understanding, support, and a bit of humour when appropriate. With patience and care, you can help your friend feel more comfortable — whether that means helping them face their fear or just being there to remove an eight-legged visitor from the room.
Remember, friendship is about accepting each other’s quirks, fears, and all — even if that means becoming the designated spider hero!
