3 Things to Consider Before You Get Back Together With Your Ex

One of my BFF had a huge break up with her long time boy friend. It actually came as a surprise to all of us; they indeed made “the ideal couple”. But things got sour and their relationship was done and dusted with. Both went their different ways and we all tried to pick up her broken pieces and put it back together whole. A few days back it seems she bumped into him in a bar and they got along very well. Sparks flew, things rekindled and well other things happened. Now here she was telling me, “It felt so good talking to him, tossing a few drinks and just being in his company. I am not sure… but should I get back with him?”

How many of you have been in this situation? Been there, done that? Did you get back with your ex? Did it work out? May be it worked out for a few but for others it didn’t. There is no sure shot way to know, right? Well only partly, there are a few things you might consider before you decide on anything.

First and foremost,

The reason for the break up:

Was it huge impulsive fights that lead to break up? Was there cheating involved? Was he to take all the blame? Will he change his ways? Will you change yours?

If cheating was the reason then it’s a long shot to get back together. Even if you forgive him there is still too much water under the bridge.  Will he do it again? Will you be able to forget and forgive him completely? Will life ever get back to how it was? These questions will haunt you for life. So unless you have complete faith on him that he won’t go back to his old ways and truly wants to be with you and also if you can forget and overlook his one big slip, it is not advisable to get back with him again.

How long have you been separated?

Was it a recent break up or you been separated since a long time? Have you been on and off the relationship for long?

If you haven’t been on the break too long and the reason wasn’t his cheating on you, then you may consider getting back with him. But if a long time has passed since your break up you might as well be meeting a whole new person at a whole new level. We all learn through our mistakes and long time away from each other makes us realize value every our relations, gives time to consider our reasons for separating, helps us grow and makes us independent. May be after all this time things might work out at a much mature level.

Were you happy most of the time together and both wanted same things from life together?

No relationship is perfect and minor rifts are bound to happen between two different persons. So if it was a rash big fight that drove you apart, may be thinking it through, realizing your mistake and amending the situation is the best approach. There is no reason for you to stay away from each other if you still have feeling for one another. If you and your ex threw the relationship out of window just because of one big bad rift then you have a window of opportunity to make it all good. Give it a chance; it might be all worth the shot!

But if your reasons for wanting to be back are nominal, naïve and completely illegitimate such as:

I will never find anyone as good as him again. I can’t live without him.  He is the one.  It will be better next time.  You might as well be a silly teenager desperate for love. Life doesn’t revolve around him and unless you have legitimate reasons from getting back together and handle it with much maturity that is needed, you have to move on.  

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