Sex Addiction Solutions for the Partner in New York

Sex addiction is an obsessive relationship to sexual thoughts, fantasies or activities that an individual engages in despite adverse consequences. These thoughts, fantasies or activities occupy a large  amount of psychological  space resulting in dysfunction in overall functioning in important areas of life. Distress, shame and guilt about the sex addict's behaviors erode the co-addict's already poor self-esteem.

Sexual addiction is an intimacy disorder demonstrated as a addictive cycle of preoccupation, ritualization, sexual behavior, and despair.

The inability of the person  to adequately bond and attach in intimate relationships is central to the problem The problem is rooted in early attachment failure with primary caregivers. , especially the mother.  Sex addiction it is a way to compensate for this early attachment failure. Sex addiction is a enactment of entrenched dysfunctional relationships with self and others.  It is something that began long before he got involved in an intimate relationship.

How Sex Addiction is Different and The Same

Sex involves our innermost wishes, needs, fantasies, fears and conflicts. While the definition of sex addiction is the same as that of other addictions, sexual compulsion is set apart from other addictions in that it involves so much of our inner selves.

Like other addictions, it is relapse prone.

While there currently is no diagnosis of sex addiction in the DSM-IV, clinicians in the sex addiction treatment in New York field have developed general criteria for diagnosing sex addiction. If an individual meets three or more of these criteria, he/she could be considered a sex addict:
• Recurrent failure to resist sexual impulses in order to engage in compulsive sexual behaviors;
• Frequently engaging in those behaviors to a greater extent, or over a longer period of time than intended;
• Persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to stop or control those behaviors;
• Preoccupation with sexual behavior or preparatory activities (rituals);
• Frequent engaging in the behavior when expected to fulfill occupational, academic, domestic or social obligations.
• Continuation of the behavior despite recurrent social, financial, psychological, or marital problems that is caused by the behavior.
• Giving up or limiting social, occupational or recreational activities due to the behavior.
• Distress, anxiety, restlessness or irritability if unable to engage in the behavior.

 How do I Know if my Partner is a Sex Addict?

There are tell-tale signs. The addict might hide the addictive behavior or you might not know the warning signs or symptoms. Here are some of the signs and symptoms:

 Staying up late to watch television or surf the Web
Looking at pornographic material such as the Internet, chat rooms, magazines, books, videos and clothing catalogs
Frequently isolating
Isolating  themselves from spouses or partners, and doesn't inform them of their whereabouts
Are controlling during sexual activity or have frequent mood swings before or after sex
Are demanding about sex, especially regarding time and place
• Gets angry if someone shows concern about a problem with pornography

• Offers no appropriate communication during sex
Lacks intimacy before, during and after sex, and offers little or no genuine intimacy in the relationship
• Does not want to socialize with others, especially peers who might intimidate them
• Frequently rents pornographic videotapes
• Seems to be preoccupied in public with everything around them
• Has tried to switch to other forms of pornography to show a lack of dependency on one kind; concoct rules to cut down but doesn't adhere to them
• Feels depressed
• Is increasingly dishonest
• Hides pornography at work or home
• Lacks close friends of the same sex
• Frequently uses sexual humor.
Spends inordinate amount of time on Smart Phone

Why Can't he Control his Sexual Behavior?

Most addicts would stop if they could. Your partner is not volitionally involved in these behaviors.  They are compulsive and beyond his ability to control .

It's been said that of all the addictions, sex is the most difficult to manage. This syndrome is a complex mixture of  various factors,  the combination of which creates impulses and urges that they experience as  impossible to resist.  Despite the fact that the sexual behavior produces considerable long-term negative consequences, the addict simply cannot resist.  Individuals who are highly disciplined, accomplished and able to direct the force of their will in other areas of life fall prey to sexual compulsion.  Also, men who truly love and cherish their spouses can still be enslaved by these irresistible cravings.  Research says that the right temporal lobe make certain individuals more prone to sexual arousibility from birth. Whether or not such an individual becomes sexually compulsive or perverse then depends on the child's home environment.

Research has also shown that the inability to control sexual impulses is associated with neurochemical imbalances. The use of certain anti-depressants (SSRI's) has thus shown to be effective in treating the impulsivity  problems of sexual addicts.
Psychological factors combine with biological predisposition to contribute to the syndrome.  The "erotic haze" is so appealing is that it  repairs earlier disturbed, anxiety-laden relationships. It shores up an inadequate sense of self-worth resulting from  early-life interpersonal abandonments, intrusions and misattunements.

Feeling of depression, anxiety, boredom and emptiness are quickly alleviated by losing oneself in a fantasy world that provides novelty, excitement, mystery and intense pleasure. Sex addiction is better than Prosac. It heals, it soothes, it contains, it provides a "safe place" free from the demands of actual performance, and it gives an illusory sense of belonging. The sense of empowerment in the illicit sex act rectifies "holes in the soul" and lifts the addict from feelings of inadequacy, insufficiency, depression and emptiness into a state of instant euphoria.

Letting go of this very special  mental and physical state can result in a sense of withdrawal which may include mood swings, inability to concentrate and irritability. These symptoms usually disappear in therapy as the sense of self is solidified and he finds more creative ways to deal with uncomfortable feelings.