A play on words

Posted by Zac Josevski
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English Usage


1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.


2. A will is a dead giveaway


3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.


4. A backward poet writes inverse.


5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.


6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.


7. If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.


8. With her marriage she got a new name, and a dress.


9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A-flat
miner.


10. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.


11. The guy, who fell onto an upholstery machine, was fully recovered.


12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, it resulted in Linoleum
Blownapart.


13. You are stuck with your debt, if you can't budge it.


14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.


15. He broke into song, because he couldn't find the key.


16. A calendar's days are numbered.


17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.


18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.


19. He has a photographic memory, which was never developed.


20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.


21. A short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.


22. Those who get too big for their britches, will be exposed in the end.


23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.


24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.


25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.


26. Bakers trade bread recipes, on a knead to know basis.


27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.


28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.