How to Be Thankful In Difficult Times
This year it was difficult to be happy about Thanksgiving
Our Daughter in law Kristi was diagnosed with Metastatic Melanoma at the end of June.
She was living with us at the time due to Domestic Problems. We had the privilege of getting her to follow up on regular check ups after making sure she had medical insurance.
We knew her death was Imminent , actually we did not expect her to make it to Thanksgiving. We decided to focus on being grateful for Kristi. For her being Kristi. For the grandchildren she gave us. For the Joy of being there for her and the children. Kristi and I were a team in raising Justin now 8, and Autumn . Kristi has been our daughter, and my very best friend. To say I will miss her is putting it mildly. I took care of Justin so Kristi could go back and get her degree in Medical Billing Specialist and latter when she was working. For the fantastic mother she has been. For having us as a large part of of their support group when their oldest son died of SIDS in 1999. At that time we wanted Darrin's oldest daughter to be part of the funeral so we got large bunches of balloons in every color of the rainbow a let the children release them to go to heaven where Erik now was. it really helped.
Kristi passed yesterday at 12:15 PM
Many plans had been made to put up the Christmas tree for Dec 6th which will be her daughter Autumns 3rd birthday. Darrin put it up Wednesday but Kristi was too weak to come out to the living room to see it.
My son Chuck said Kristi got the last laugh by sending Darrin and Chuck to the Black Friday sales to get bargain Christmas Gifts. Kristi did that every year. She got me to go once with Justin. I went to help with the children and to get them out of the area while Kristi got gifts he could not see till Christmas. I said well I never did that before but I feel like well now I did that , I have the tee shirt if they don't tear it off of me. And I have never done it since. Chuck had gone with her the last few years. When Darrin came back disappointed and frustrated because items on the list were gone before they got to them. The stores that opened at midnight would not let anyone check out until 4:00 AM.
We also gave thanks for our Church Family who have bee there for Darrin and Kristi for years. Our Preacher officiated at Erik's Funeral and many came 40 miles to be there for them. They gave a huge church wide shower when Autumn was born 7 weeks early and nothing was ready. The shower included a large bin of creative art supplies, books ,learning work books and flash cards for Justin. They even got a gift for Shana.
They have offered prayers, food, gas cards to help with the multiple trips to Smilow Cancer Hospital the new Cancer Hospital at Yale New Haven. And to offset the cost of parking, gifts here and there for buying lunch for Kristi between MRI's and CAT scans.
Of course we would have been grateful if she had achieved Cancer Free total remission.
But what ever the outcome to share the Cancer Journey with someone you love is a privilege not a burden. It is a time to share your love , to laugh together to cry together, to mourn your loss of each other together. If you grasp the opportunity those left behind can have as much peace as the loved one we have lost. When I was doing hospice nursing two things bothered patients the most.
1.People who treat them as if they are already gone until they want to scream I'm still here.
2.The fact that they are loosing everyone they know. As a person with deep Christian faith I always tell them . Heaven will be so glorious that by the time you are reunited with your loved ones and meet the apostles it will feel like ten minutes went by every one you know will be there with you.
With Kristi this a especially tragic since she leave two children 8 and soon to be three.
But she has a brother and a son and her Mom.
We thank God for giving Kristi such courage, and the fortitude to continue to eat even if it was not enjoyable. To face the treatments which were not easy to face when you have veins which no one can seem to find and you are bruised and sore and have to face another try.
Thank you Kristi for being a part of our lives you have our love always. Ma
thank
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