Break A Child's Spirit?

Proverbs 13:24 "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him."

Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."

I was raised in a very strict home.

My father was the authoritarian dispenser of discipline in our family. What he decreed happened, or else!

Or, I could describe it this way-

I was raised by Godly parents. My father did his best to teach me that there were consequences to my decisions by applying loving but firm discipline.

The manner in which you describe my upbringing, depends on your perspective. In today's politically correct world, it is likely that my father would be reported for being over-zealous, if not somewhat abusive. My backside was no stranger to his leather belt.

Let me give you two examples that even to this day stand out vividly in my memory.

The first goes under the heading of honesty.

I was with my father at a public pay phone where my he made a telephone call. He hung up the telephone receiver and like a slot machine, we both heard the coins fall into the tray.

Yipee!

Yipee! I shouted, we can buy an ice cream cone. My dad's response? "No, son, the money is not ours." And he proceed to re-deposit the coins into the coin slot of the telephone.

"Dad!" I protested, the next person will get the money - not the telephone company.

Of course such logic from a child didn't matter - there was a principal to teach and a principal to be learned.

The second example goes under the principal of obeying the law, or living by example.

One afternoon my father and I went for a walk. When we came to a pedestrian crossing, I observed that there no traffic in any direction - it was a quite Sunday afternoon. As I was about to step off the curb, I felt the strong tug of my fathers hand on the back of my jacket accompanied by a gruff scolding that I should never walk against a DON'T WALK sign. "Christians obey the law," he pontificated!

"But, Daaaaad..."

He cut me off as I was about to explain that there were absolutely no cars coming. "Don't argue, son, regardless - we obey the law of the land."

He went on to explain that it didn't matter that no cars were coming - it's a matter of principal, he explained, and besides it was a testimony to others. I didn't dare tell him that not only was there no traffic, there were no other pedestrians, so no one could see us. What kind of testimony was that?

Almost as if he could read my mind, he added, "Never mind, God can see you even if man can't."

At the time it just seemed like more rules, more strict demands on a little boy that just wanted some freedom.

My father had been raised in a disfunctional family by a hard taskmaster that never showed any love or affection. He was only four years old when his father abandoned his mother taking him and his older sister and leaving behind his poor uneducated wife with an infant daughter. My father never met his youngest sister and mother until he was 24.

Of course, what I didn't understand at the time was that these were, in fact, well-intentioned lessons taught by a father that had difficulty expressing himself warmly and lovingly to his son. And who knows? Maybe this was the only way I would learn these important principals.

Over Twenty Years Later

I found myself in the same position - not sons, but daughters. I, too, took the opportunities that life presented to teach my daughters important life-principles. With God's help, I hopefully delivered the lessons with a little more grace.

But I'm not sure I succeeded in the grace department when I listen to my daughters retell of their strict upbring.

Do you think my father taught me the best way he could?

By the way, ask my friends, even as a grandfather, I can't bring myself to walk against a "Don't Walk" sign without hearing his voice.

Oh yes, would you put the coins back in the slot?