Why Your Child May Not Be Telling You Everything
If
they sense that you’re a safe place, they’ll open up. Slowly, but surely.
You ask them, “How was your day?” and all you get is a shrug, a grunt, or that haunting “fine.” You know they’re holding back. But why? What’s going on behind that closed-off expression? It’s not just silence—it’s a message in itself.
Many parents in the Supportive Parenting Counseling Group have shared this exact experience. Sometimes, it’s a little more complicated than they don’t have anything to say. So, what’s really happening?
They
Don’t Have the Words For It
Have you ever had a
feeling too big to explain? Excited but nervous, happy but anxious? Now imagine
trying to explain that in a single sentence. Impossible, right? That’s what
kids deal with. They feel things, big things, but they can’t quite capture the
chaos of it all in words.
Instead of fumbling
to explain it all, they just don’t. They stay quiet. But here’s the thing:
silence doesn’t always mean nothing.
So,
how can you help?
1. Give them space.
Sometimes they need time to sort through their emotions before they can
articulate them.
2. Ask simple, specific
questions. Forget the vague “How was your day?”
Instead, try “What was the funniest thing that happened today?”
3. Normalize
emotions. Saying “I get it, that sounds
frustrating” lets them know it’s okay to feel big things.
The trick? Don’t rush
them. Sometimes, silence is just their way of finding the right words.
They’re
Afraid of Your Reaction
Kids are better
mind-readers than we give them credit for. They pick up on the tiniest
shifts—the tension in your shoulders, the subtle changes in your voice. If they
think that speaking up will bring on a lecture or disappointment, you can bet
they’ll shut down faster than you can blink.
Even small reactions—a
raised eyebrow or a quick, “Why would you do that?”—can send them running for
cover. They’re not avoiding the conversation—they’re avoiding the reaction.
What
can you do?
1. Stay calm.
Even when your insides are flipping, keep your cool.
2. Listen before
reacting. Let them talk. Don’t cut them off
mid-sentence.
3. Respond
with curiosity, not judgment. Try, “That’s
interesting. What made you think that was a good idea?”
They
Need the Right Moment
Kids don’t open up on
command. Not at dinner. Not when you ask. The right moment will come, but only
when the stars align. So, how do you set the stage for those deep, meaningful
conversations?
Try
these:
●Car rides.
No eye contact, just the hum of the engine. It’s easier to talk when the
pressure’s off.
● Bedtime talks.
The lights are low, the world is quiet. That’s when they’ll let their thoughts
slip.
●Side-by-side
activities. Whether you’re folding laundry or
walking the dog, doing something together feels less like an interrogation.
Silence doesn’t have
to be bad. Sometimes, it’s just waiting for the perfect moment.
Conclusion
So your child isn't
talking. But don't assume it's because they don't want to. They just might need
a little more time, a little more space, or a little more patience from you.
Experts at Applied Behavioral Sciences Mental Health
emphasize that the goal isn't to force a conversation but to create a place
where they feel safe enough to open up when they're ready.
